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How to have sex with fruit

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This article will tell you how to get over your fears of having sex with fruit. Some of you out there enjoy a nice pickle tickle. Sometimes we need a fruit. That can be very intimidating.
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Tips for Organic Masturbation (i.e. How to Have Sex With Vegetables)

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I Was a Teenage Fruit Fucker

I hear jokes about people pleasuring themselves with produce. Yes, people actually use cucumbers, carrots, zucchini and other long, hard veggies for insertion alone or with a partner — and I've even seen some of the coolest G-spot cucumbers while shopping the aisles of my local grocer. Some guys even use melons, like honeydew and cantaloupe, to screw with. While the veggie can't, or won't consent, nobody is actually harmed in the making of masturbation with fruits and veggies, and the most unsafe time to use the veggie would be in the supermarket before you buy it. Using a long veggie, one that would be inserted into the vagina should be covered with a condom for even safer sex, and this will also help avoid getting whatever was sprayed on said veggie up and in you. But in the vagina, using a veggie once is safe enough.
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How To Get Over Your Fear of Having Sex With Fruit

Not that long ago, when I was a teenager, my trademark outfit was a fedora, track pants, and a sports jacket. I fervently browsed 4Chan on the daily. I had a gigabyte folder of shitty memes. I was the epitome of that guy. I also used to watch a lot of porn—like, a lot , even for a teenage boy—and it got to the point where I was probably beating off five times a day in order to satisfy a never-ending need for stimulation.
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Has the recent Internet chatter about grapefruiting piqued your curiosity, but left you with a lot of questions? Are you intrigued by the idea of a natural, low-cost way to spice up your trips to the bone zone, but fear the possibility of free-flyin' citrus juice? Does grapefruit give you acid reflux? Do you need those grapefruits for breakfast tomorrow??? If you answered "yes" to any of the above questions, don't worry!
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